I am Israeli, Therefore I Hate the Bank

Or is it, I hate the bank, therefore I am Israeli...

I put off going as long as I could, but today I walked into Leumi. And it went downhill from there. The teller told me that I didn't get any sort of special discounts for olim because I was an ezrach oleh (for all you grammar freaks, I'm using the generic term, so calm down). Then they made me sign five million forms. I am NOT exagerrating and anybody who banks with Leumi knows what I'm talking about. Then, to add insult to injury, the teller informed me that she tried to open an account in the States once and they took the skin off her bones from her. Did she expect sympathy from me? Is that supposed to make me feel better? And of course she told me that everything would be OK and that I shouldn't worry so much. They should have that written on the front of the bank.

Afterwards, I needed a pick-me-up, so I went to a bookstore. A few actually. I read The Little Prince in Hebrew (the rose chapter, 21, for those of you who know) and then I felt much better. One more bookstore and I found a really cool book about Shemitta by Rav Rimon. And the bookstore owner said that he lived near my absorption center and that I could come over for a meal sometime. That was enough good stuff to get me to my meeting with the Ministry of Absorption at 4:00 (or 16:00 here). My absorption counselor seemed to be in a hurry because we zipped through the paperwork. She gave me a voucher for ulpan and told me how much money I would get a month from the government for living in Israel. That was kind of exciting. It's kind of random how much they give each month but it adds up to exactly 15,789, just to be ridiculous.

Then I got back to Katamon and played basketball and tried to plot the bank's destruction. I'm still working on it...

All Beginnings Are Hard

I don't think I'm going to have time for mass emails, so I guess a blog is the thing to do. I'm going to try to update it fairly regularly, but we'll see. Right now I don't have a job or any one particular thing to keep me busy, so I may be better about it than when I am (b'ezrat Hashem) in the army.

So. I made aliyah. Hooray! The flight was fun, I entertained three kids while their parents tried, in vain, to keep their fourth child (a baby) from screaming the entire flight. And I sat next to a thirteen year old girl and her mother who were very nice and also going to Beit Canada. I didn't sleep much (I can't really sleep sitting up) and was tired by the time I got to the fun ceremony part of the whole thing. Efrat and two of her kids, Itai and Eliraz, plus Shlomo and Sarra and Rebecca Z came to meet me at the airport. Z made me a sign, Efrat invited me to Itai's bar mitzvah, and Shlomo carried my bag for a while, so they were great. There was a short ceremony, they presented a woman who had tried to make aliyah on the Exodus in 1947 with her teudat oleh, and there was much rejoicing.

Then the olim went upstairs for processing. I got my teudat zakaut (immigrant rights booklet) and money (1250 NIS!) and yes, it was very mafia-like, they counted it out right in front of us. Very cool. Then I had to choose a kupat cholim (health fund) and then I got to leave! I actually walked out the door thinking I was done once I got the money until an NBN person dragged me back and told me that I had forgotten the kupat cholim thing. Phew! She saved my life.

Then I went to Freida's and collapsed. Until 8pm Israeli time. Please bear in mind, I got to her house around 11am. Yeah. I was tired.

I have to wait until Sunday to get my teudat zehut (Israeli ID) and so I've been making a few phone calls, like to the lishkat hagiyus (draft office) in Be'er Sheva and other places of bureaucracy. Still no bank account and no health insurance. But I think that most of my relatives know that I'm here! (Which is, for those of you who don't know, quite an accomplishment. I have a LOT of cousins here. Thank God.)

I had dinner with Davida and Anna last night (friends of mine who some of you may know, some of you may not) and that was a fun. I caught the very last bus home to Katamon (they stop running at 12pm ish except for the night lines) and again, woke up late. I think I'm still jetlagged... but I'm working on it!

Anna bought me some figs and they were delicious plus I got to say "Al Peroteha" (when not in Israel, one says "Al HaPerot") for the first time this year!

Anyway, I could write for hours about every detail of my life, but I'm just trying to hit the highlights here. I miss my family and my friends... but I love being in Israel!

Also, a necessary special shoutout goes here to everybody who helped me get to Israel, first and foremost my parents, who helped me do everything from planning to packing to shlepping my suitcases to driving me to the airport... yeah I could go on. And of course my brothers (from the same mother!) for thinking of every last technical detail for all my gadgets and for encouraging me and being proud of me even though they're gonna miss me so much. And of course my friends who were there for even more moral support and all the good stuff they do. And of course I left people out because nobody gets everyone and I can't type forever. So thanks to them too.

I would not be here if not for all of you. Straight up. So Thanks.

And in the immortal words of Amos (5:2 and a hat tip to the Christians for making chapters, even if they didn't do a very good job)...

נפלה לא תוסיף, קום בתולת ישראל!

If you don't get the punctuation, refer to Berachot 4b (and yes, Yael, the hyperlink was for you).