The Lishkat Giyus in Be'er Sheva
On Thursday, I finally hung out with some people my age...
I went to the draft office in Be'er Sheva to try and volunteer for the army. This was about 10 in the morning. I walked in and asked to volunteer and after the expected waiting period they told me to fill out a form and put it in a box and maybe they would call me in 3 months. I did that, and then thought the better of it and pulled out the letter I had from Yael Keinan, who was probably their boss' boss and showed it to the person at the reception desk. Her eyes widened considerably when she looked at it and that's when I knew that something good might happen.
She sent me to Room 6, where I waited for a while and finally spoke to Idan. Idan is the man. He wrote down my details and told me that he was going to check with the specific unit that I wanted to be in and let me know in a week or two if everything was in order. He then gave me white card (which is something you put in the different machines at the different stages of testing at the lishkat giyus) and sent me off to station one.
Station one was an interview with a female soldier. I was asked about my name, ID number, address, phone number, family members to contact in case (chas v'chalila, the female soldier assured me) something bad happened, and immediate family members in general (I told her that I had four older brothers but gave them no names, for those of you invested in this process). She asked me if the Be'er Sheva address they had on file was relevant, and I laughed and said that my parents hadn't lived there since 1973. She also made me sign some stuff. It was in Hebrew. It mostly had to do with not leaving the country 30 days or less before I was going to get drafted and only going to army doctors once I was in the army, etc.
She tested my level of Hebrew by asking me to explain a few vocabulary words (I didn't know any of them) and then asking me to read and explain a couple of sentences (I didn't do very well with the explaining, the reading was OK) and then write down a few sentences that she said in Hebrew (this was OK but not great).
Then she asked me why I had wanted to move to Israel and volunteer for the army. I explained it to her in Hebrew as best I could and got a little teary eyed. It was something like how my life would be much easier but much less meaningful in the States and that I wanted to get engineering experience in the army but also felt I had something to contribute. She asked me some more personal questions as well, but I'm not going to talk about that... Needless to say, at the end of it, I asked her if there was a rule about being rejected from the army if one cried in the lishkat giyus and she smiled and said no.
Then she asked me what I liked to do. I told her that I liked to read and she asked me to explain something about a book that I was currently reading to her (I assume this was to test my level of spoken Hebrew). I had taken The Little Prince along, because it always helps me feel brave and it was all I could think of. So, I took a deep breath and started explaining (in pidgin Hebrew...) how everyone thought that it was a little kids book but that really it contained some truly deep ideas and that the relationship between the fox and the prince was actually a metaphor for the relationship between Hashem and Bnei Yisrael. Especially Chapter 21.
I kid you not. That was the first thing I could think of! And then she asked me to keep going...
So I went on, explaining how it talked about taking time off from everyday things to be together, which was like Shabbat, and the importance of thinking about a relationship and not just being in it. And how the wheat fields meant nothing to the fox before he met the prince, but afterwards, they always reminded him of the prince, whose hair was gold in color, like the wheat fields. At that point, she told me to stop, so I didn't get a chance to explain how that was the whole point of tzitzit.
To her credit, she did not laugh or smirk at me a single time and was absolutely polite and respectful to a T. And she was almost certainly only 18 years old! She also told me that I would have to come back with my original diploma to prove to them that I had a degree. I had debated, back in Yerushalayim on Wednesday night, if I should bring my diploma. I decided not to, in the end, but apparently I should have.
Then she sent me upstairs to station 2, the medical testing part. After waiting around for a while, I peed in a cup and put a stick in it and the female soldier who was supervising the pee stick process checked off a few things on a form and told me to wait some more. While I was waiting, I got into a conversation in Hebrew with a modern Charedi guy (black pants and white shirt but he was talking to me -that kind of Charedi). He could see that I was religious and he asked me why I was volunteering for the army etc. I asked him to speak a little more slowly and did my best to explain. He told me that he was waiting for his friend, who was getting drafted, and that he himself planned on getting an exemption because he wanted to learn. I found out that he lived in Be'er Sheva. We waited together in silence a little longer, and then, because I was bored, I decided to needle him a little. "So," I asked him "Where's your book? Why aren't you learning right now?" "Well," he explained "one can't focus his mind on learning 100% of the time." "I see." I said and then pulled out my Tanach to read while I waited. Then he asked me a riddle, which was "Where does 'Avraham, Avraham' appear in the Torah?" I pondered it for a while, suggesting the Akeda and Brit Bein HaBetarim, and he said the Akeda was correct but there was one more place. I puzzled over this until his friend showed up and he asked his friend the riddle as well. Neither of us got it, so he said "In Parashat Toldot - Eleh Toldot Yitzchak ben Avraham..." and I finished "Avraham Holid Et Yitzchak!" We laughed and then his friend nudged him that they had to go. He turned to me and said "So, can I have your number?" I was amused, but said "No, sorry." His friend, really embarrassed now, nudged him again. But he persisted, "C'mon, we should be in touch." I shook my head and politely declined. He shrugged, and they left. So I got hit on by a Charedi guy (who was probably 17!) at the lishkat giyus. Weird things happen in Israel.
Then they gave me a medical form to fill out and it was, of course, in Hebrew. Having no clue what any of the diseases were in Hebrew, I threw myself upon the mercy of the 18 year olds running the medical station and they all gathered around in a circle and we did the medical form together. Plus I called Ima and Abba to ask about any family diseases we might have. Then I waited some more.
I finally got weighed (56 kilos!) and they measured my height (dunno how much, but for any of you who know me, not much at all) and I had to wait a little longer for the doctor. I finally got examined by her (she told me to take off my shirt and I misunderstood and started taking off my skirt and she rolled her eyes and repeated the instructions) and she spoke both Hebrew and Russian, but no English whatsoever. She called in a few of the soldiers to help translate and we managed to communicate. In the midst of this, the Misrad HaKlita called about my ulpan voucher, which I need to switch (that's a whole other story...) and of course I had to answer and talk to them and explain a rule about Jewish Agency ulpans that they should have already known, and the doctor was annoyed. Plus the women who run the phones at the Misrad HaKlita are mean! The doctor gave me two forms to fax back which had to be completed by a regular doctor and an eye doctor.
Finally I was finished with the medical stuff, but I was starving. All I had eaten that day was an apple and two cookies for breakfast. Anyone with a white card could get a free sandwich but all the sandwiches were meat. So no food for me... So I went straight into the computer tests. The first two were patterns (I think they were psycho-technical tests) and were in English. The last one was sort of a personality test and it was in Hebrew so two female soldiers sat with me and explained everything. Then they said I was free to go.
I called my man Nimrod, who is my contact in the army itself, and left him a message that I had gone to the lishkat giyus so he would know what was going on.
I also want to say that throughout the entire process I was presented with a variety of forms in Hebrew that I did not understand or given instructions that I didn't understand and that every single soldier that I encountered (remember, these are all kids between 18 and 21!) was extraordinarily patient and kind to me. And several of them spoke English pretty well. I don't know where they put all the mean people in the army, but everyone at the lishkat giyus in Be'er Sheva is very nice. When I finally left the lishkat giyus around 5, one of the guards asked me, in astonishment "Were you really here that whole time?!"
Thankfully my dear friend Anna fed and watered me when I got back to her apartment in Be'er Sheva and I went back to Yerushalayim with a full stomach and a newfound love for the Israeli expression "Chaval Al HaZman!" That probably isn't funny to anyone except for me. But it's a good expression.
I went to the draft office in Be'er Sheva to try and volunteer for the army. This was about 10 in the morning. I walked in and asked to volunteer and after the expected waiting period they told me to fill out a form and put it in a box and maybe they would call me in 3 months. I did that, and then thought the better of it and pulled out the letter I had from Yael Keinan, who was probably their boss' boss and showed it to the person at the reception desk. Her eyes widened considerably when she looked at it and that's when I knew that something good might happen.
She sent me to Room 6, where I waited for a while and finally spoke to Idan. Idan is the man. He wrote down my details and told me that he was going to check with the specific unit that I wanted to be in and let me know in a week or two if everything was in order. He then gave me white card (which is something you put in the different machines at the different stages of testing at the lishkat giyus) and sent me off to station one.
Station one was an interview with a female soldier. I was asked about my name, ID number, address, phone number, family members to contact in case (chas v'chalila, the female soldier assured me) something bad happened, and immediate family members in general (I told her that I had four older brothers but gave them no names, for those of you invested in this process). She asked me if the Be'er Sheva address they had on file was relevant, and I laughed and said that my parents hadn't lived there since 1973. She also made me sign some stuff. It was in Hebrew. It mostly had to do with not leaving the country 30 days or less before I was going to get drafted and only going to army doctors once I was in the army, etc.
She tested my level of Hebrew by asking me to explain a few vocabulary words (I didn't know any of them) and then asking me to read and explain a couple of sentences (I didn't do very well with the explaining, the reading was OK) and then write down a few sentences that she said in Hebrew (this was OK but not great).
Then she asked me why I had wanted to move to Israel and volunteer for the army. I explained it to her in Hebrew as best I could and got a little teary eyed. It was something like how my life would be much easier but much less meaningful in the States and that I wanted to get engineering experience in the army but also felt I had something to contribute. She asked me some more personal questions as well, but I'm not going to talk about that... Needless to say, at the end of it, I asked her if there was a rule about being rejected from the army if one cried in the lishkat giyus and she smiled and said no.
Then she asked me what I liked to do. I told her that I liked to read and she asked me to explain something about a book that I was currently reading to her (I assume this was to test my level of spoken Hebrew). I had taken The Little Prince along, because it always helps me feel brave and it was all I could think of. So, I took a deep breath and started explaining (in pidgin Hebrew...) how everyone thought that it was a little kids book but that really it contained some truly deep ideas and that the relationship between the fox and the prince was actually a metaphor for the relationship between Hashem and Bnei Yisrael. Especially Chapter 21.
I kid you not. That was the first thing I could think of! And then she asked me to keep going...
So I went on, explaining how it talked about taking time off from everyday things to be together, which was like Shabbat, and the importance of thinking about a relationship and not just being in it. And how the wheat fields meant nothing to the fox before he met the prince, but afterwards, they always reminded him of the prince, whose hair was gold in color, like the wheat fields. At that point, she told me to stop, so I didn't get a chance to explain how that was the whole point of tzitzit.
To her credit, she did not laugh or smirk at me a single time and was absolutely polite and respectful to a T. And she was almost certainly only 18 years old! She also told me that I would have to come back with my original diploma to prove to them that I had a degree. I had debated, back in Yerushalayim on Wednesday night, if I should bring my diploma. I decided not to, in the end, but apparently I should have.
Then she sent me upstairs to station 2, the medical testing part. After waiting around for a while, I peed in a cup and put a stick in it and the female soldier who was supervising the pee stick process checked off a few things on a form and told me to wait some more. While I was waiting, I got into a conversation in Hebrew with a modern Charedi guy (black pants and white shirt but he was talking to me -that kind of Charedi). He could see that I was religious and he asked me why I was volunteering for the army etc. I asked him to speak a little more slowly and did my best to explain. He told me that he was waiting for his friend, who was getting drafted, and that he himself planned on getting an exemption because he wanted to learn. I found out that he lived in Be'er Sheva. We waited together in silence a little longer, and then, because I was bored, I decided to needle him a little. "So," I asked him "Where's your book? Why aren't you learning right now?" "Well," he explained "one can't focus his mind on learning 100% of the time." "I see." I said and then pulled out my Tanach to read while I waited. Then he asked me a riddle, which was "Where does 'Avraham, Avraham' appear in the Torah?" I pondered it for a while, suggesting the Akeda and Brit Bein HaBetarim, and he said the Akeda was correct but there was one more place. I puzzled over this until his friend showed up and he asked his friend the riddle as well. Neither of us got it, so he said "In Parashat Toldot - Eleh Toldot Yitzchak ben Avraham..." and I finished "Avraham Holid Et Yitzchak!" We laughed and then his friend nudged him that they had to go. He turned to me and said "So, can I have your number?" I was amused, but said "No, sorry." His friend, really embarrassed now, nudged him again. But he persisted, "C'mon, we should be in touch." I shook my head and politely declined. He shrugged, and they left. So I got hit on by a Charedi guy (who was probably 17!) at the lishkat giyus. Weird things happen in Israel.
Then they gave me a medical form to fill out and it was, of course, in Hebrew. Having no clue what any of the diseases were in Hebrew, I threw myself upon the mercy of the 18 year olds running the medical station and they all gathered around in a circle and we did the medical form together. Plus I called Ima and Abba to ask about any family diseases we might have. Then I waited some more.
I finally got weighed (56 kilos!) and they measured my height (dunno how much, but for any of you who know me, not much at all) and I had to wait a little longer for the doctor. I finally got examined by her (she told me to take off my shirt and I misunderstood and started taking off my skirt and she rolled her eyes and repeated the instructions) and she spoke both Hebrew and Russian, but no English whatsoever. She called in a few of the soldiers to help translate and we managed to communicate. In the midst of this, the Misrad HaKlita called about my ulpan voucher, which I need to switch (that's a whole other story...) and of course I had to answer and talk to them and explain a rule about Jewish Agency ulpans that they should have already known, and the doctor was annoyed. Plus the women who run the phones at the Misrad HaKlita are mean! The doctor gave me two forms to fax back which had to be completed by a regular doctor and an eye doctor.
Finally I was finished with the medical stuff, but I was starving. All I had eaten that day was an apple and two cookies for breakfast. Anyone with a white card could get a free sandwich but all the sandwiches were meat. So no food for me... So I went straight into the computer tests. The first two were patterns (I think they were psycho-technical tests) and were in English. The last one was sort of a personality test and it was in Hebrew so two female soldiers sat with me and explained everything. Then they said I was free to go.
I called my man Nimrod, who is my contact in the army itself, and left him a message that I had gone to the lishkat giyus so he would know what was going on.
I also want to say that throughout the entire process I was presented with a variety of forms in Hebrew that I did not understand or given instructions that I didn't understand and that every single soldier that I encountered (remember, these are all kids between 18 and 21!) was extraordinarily patient and kind to me. And several of them spoke English pretty well. I don't know where they put all the mean people in the army, but everyone at the lishkat giyus in Be'er Sheva is very nice. When I finally left the lishkat giyus around 5, one of the guards asked me, in astonishment "Were you really here that whole time?!"
Thankfully my dear friend Anna fed and watered me when I got back to her apartment in Be'er Sheva and I went back to Yerushalayim with a full stomach and a newfound love for the Israeli expression "Chaval Al HaZman!" That probably isn't funny to anyone except for me. But it's a good expression.
תוויות: army, only in israel
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